Jul 28, 2011

A Jill for EVERY Jack & A Little More

There comes a point in every man's life when..... well..... not every man. But in 2005 I realized that there came a point in the life of one of my roommates when he recognized that no matter how bad he smelled, no matter how greasy his hair was, and no matter how many times he stayed up watching star trek until 3am... SOME WOMAN.... SOMEWHERE.... was going to look at him and say, "Now that's the kind man I'm lookin for!"

At the risk of sounding like I'm attacking this kid from all angles I will just give you the facts. By facts, I mean things that I personally observed, on MULTIPLE occasions. I called this particular roommate "home boy." Apologies for not remembering why I called him that. If I had to guess it was one of two things. Either he had some hard to pronounce name and I found it easier to call him that, or I was still easing out of my "wanna be black" phase in the which I referred to 80% of the people I met as "home boy." Also, please note that I moved apartments about 6 weeks into the semester when home boy crossed the line for the final time!

Homeboy's Bio:
Name: Unknown
Height: Roughly 6'1"
Weight: Around 160
Employment status: Part time -- evening shift
Employer: Burger King
Shower Frequency: Maybe every 4 days
My Typical Day Includes: Wearing the same fry grease and Dorito stained black pants I wore to work at Burger King the night before (and slept in) to class. I traditionally pick my shirt out from under a pile of dirty clothes stacked higher than my desk. After class I return home and open the door to my room that smells like my dirty laundry and rotten fruit had a baby. Once inside I take a seat on my sweat stained chair and play World of Warcraft for a few hours while I throw down a pack of Lays potato chips making sure to shine my hair with my greasy fingers every few minutes. When 6pm rolls around I begin to searching through my pile of dirty clothes for my official Burger King employee T-Shirt. After it is found I begin the painstaking search for my hair net that I tend to leave on the family room floor but usually ends up somehwere else. After I find my hair net I head to work at Burger King from 6:30 pm to 11:30 pm at which time I head straight to the gas station for a refill on Doritos. Upon arriving back at my apartment I kick off my shoes, THROW MY HAIR NET ON THE FLOOR, sprawl out on the couch, put one finger in my nose, another finger in my mouth, and spend the next 3 hours watching Star Trek re-runs and wiping my boogers on the couch, not realizing that my roommate Scott Sorensen is taking a picture of me with his phone!

Here's to you home boy!

Relationship Status: IN A RELATIONSHIP! Yup... you better believe home boy had a little home girl. I didn't stick around long enough when the two of them were snuggling together on the couch to really meet her but I stand by the saying there's a Jill for every Jack!

Now this second post tonight comes from an e-mail that my dad sent me yesterday afternoon. Admittedly, while stuck in traffic on I-17 I opened the youtube link in the e-mail and nearly wrecked my truck laughing when I saw this...

My initial reaction was as previously mentioned... pure laughter. Then a light bulb went off in my head? Perhaps we could replenish our Border Patrol with a few Apes and some Ak-47's! I'd gladly have them on my team with Greg Boam and the guy from No Country for Old Men...

Until tomorrow...

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