Jan 29, 2012

PART 2 -- 10 MORE!

Here's round 2. Spoiler alert: Da grammar doesn't get no betta!

1) I remember when I was younger I was watching Unsolved Mysteries by myself with all the lights off and during a commercial break I put a frozen capri sun in the microwave to defrost it and then ran back to the couch just in time to see giant blue flashes coming from the microwave.

2) I remember when I was about 12 I found a massive stash of silver dollars amd half dollars in my dad's closet and I spent close to every one of them buying stuff from the ice cream man for me and my friends.

3) I remember dressing up like a complete fool with my buddy Devin to win lower level seats to a suns game and being told by the judges 10 min. before the contest ended "we've never seen anyone dress this crazy, you guys have this on lock" and then losing the contest minutes later to a pair of Scottsdale skanks in mini skirts and skin tight tank tops who simply rolled paint onto their entire bodies.

4) I remember when I was in middle school I covered every square inch of the walls in my room with cut-outs from Sports Illustrated and miscellaneous posters and then one day I came home and saw that every one of them had been cut into tiny pieces by my little brother Russ and my cousin Nick.

5) I remember when I worked with Devin.

6) I remember when Dwight Howard took 6 steps without dribbling and was not called for travel.

7) I remember when I showed my camping buddies the "flamability" of non-dairy coffee creamer.

8) I remember when I saw the remains of a lizard that chose the wrong time to hang out in a door jam.

9) I remember when I attempted to coach a girls volleyball team and every one of the girls knew twice as much as I did about the sport of volleyball.

10) I remember when I was the most sick I've ever been in my life and my incredible fiance came over, cleaned my house, brought me brownies, and made me soup. I love you more all the time Bonnie!

Round 3 coming soon, to a monitor near you!

Jan 19, 2012

30 IN 30 IN 3

From time to time I see, smell, hear, touch, taste, or do something that leads me to say, "I remember when... yada-yada-yada" More often than not, that "yada-yada-yada" is some long, drawn-out story that, if I'm lucky, leaves others laughing as hard as myself. So in an effort to simplify my stories, here's 30 RANDOM memories, told in 30 run-on sentences, delivered 10 at a time! Grammar gurus... close your eyes.... these are gonna burn!

1) I remember when I was about 12 and I was searcing through a tub of 5-cent pogs at Walgreens and a kid my age walked in and took 2 handfuls of pogs and ran straight out the front door screaming "I love pogs #%*(&#$!"

2) I remember when I watched The Mighty Ducks and it inspired me to grab an old purse from my sister's closet and fill it with dog poop and hang a dollar bill out of it and put it on the side of the road and sit in my neighbors backyard with my buddies and watch the magic of the movie unfold in real time, right before our eyes!

3) I remember when I was younger I walked by a neighbors open garage door and saw those hand held velcro nerf ball catcher things and I took them because I was going to san diego the next day and then I returned them to the same neigbors garage the next time I saw it open!

4) I remember riding my bike to the mall and buying the soundtrack to the movie "Selena" on audio cassette and then staying up late at night hitting rewind-play over and over until I memorized every word to the song "Dreaming of You!"

5) I remember when I was in middle school I saved my money from doing chores so I could buy a book of "your mama" jokes called SNAPS!

6) I remember when there was a nickelcade/indoor mini-golf joint in Phoenix, and I wemt with my older brothers and I spent every nickel I was given playing Street Fighter II!

7) I remember sleeping over at a friends house and being woken up by his mom at 8am on a saturday and being told "We don't sleep in on saturday's in this house, we clean" and then immediately grabbbing my sleeping bag and walking out the front door laughing out loud and thinking, "Woman, I'm not cleaning your house on a saturday morning!"

8) I remember going through a break dancing phase where I would come home every day from school and put on a pair of "And 1" warm up pants and an ugly warm-up jacket and practice break dancing in my basement for hours on end!

9) I remember renting the movie "3 Ninjas" no less than 25 times growing up and with the help of my little brother, reenacting as many epic fight scenes as we could!

10) I remember chasing a girl down the halls of church nearly 3 years ago and then inviting her to my house 2 nights later and telling her she looked "so hot" and then drooling over her for the next 30 MONTHS and then FINALLY putting a ring on it! I LOVE YOU BONNIE!!!!

Part 2 coming soon!