If at first you don't succeed...

Fuddruckers. Home to "The World's Greatest Hamburgers," (their self-proclaimed slogan) and home to the 2nd job I ever held. My first was at Safeway, where I raked in a staggering $5.15 an hour bagging groceries, pushing carts, and nearly losing my voice saying "hi, how are you, can I help you find anything?" to everyone I saw - per Safeway's strictly enforced "In your face but friendly" policy. Run on sentence? Possibly.

I seriously hated working at Safeway. I loathed my boss(es), which was pretty much any employee not pushing carts, and to top it all off it was company policy to wear a shirt and tie. Extremely inconvienant for pushing carts around in triple digit weather. I made it a month before being called into the managers office and confronted about dust mopping an aisle without saying hi to any of the customers. I explained honestly that I had greeted every one of them on the trip down the aisle and didn't feel the need to greet them again, only seconds later, on my trip back up. Apparently the trip up was when they were "watching me" on there little spy cameras. I have a serious pet peeve about being accused of wrong doing when I was blatantly NOT in the wrong. So I took my 25 cent name tag off and my "career" at Safeway came to a close. Ha ha.

SOOOOOO... that brings us to Fuddruckers. I had 3 bosses at fuddruckers. I loved 2 of them and would avoid the 3rd at all cost. His name was Jeff. He was your stereotypical "jerk" boss. You know... the type of boss that can't walk past you without telling you that you're doing something wrong.

Well one particular friday night, rather than avoid my boss, I found myself doing quite the opposite. You see halfway through my shift I realized I'd forgotten all about a party I wanted to go to. I needed desperately to go home early. Had either of my 2 other bosses been managing that night I would have simply walked up to them, told them I wanted to go home early, and there would've been no argument. But Jeff was no pushover. I knew I'd have to get creative.

I came to the conclusion that my only real chance at an early exit was convincing Jeff I was sick. My first few attempts were pathetically juvenile. I'd stand within "hearing" distance of him and make your stereotypical coughing noises. Or tell other employees how "I feel like crap" in hopes that they might mention it to Jeff. All of these failed.

While continuing to brainstorm, I was carrying some dirty dishes into the back when I spotted Jeff heading into the men's room. As I stood there chucking the dishes in the sink a light bulb went on in my head. If Jeff wouldn't "take my word for it" that I was feeling cruddy, I'd have to prove it. I made the decision that I would frantically run into the bathroom, head straight into the stall, shove my finger down my throat, and ralph into the toilet. He'd have no choice but to send me home right? Riiiiight!

Long story short, I executed my plan to perfection. As I entered the mens room I saw Jeff standing at the urinal. I headed straight for an open stall, slid my finger down my throat and completed the unthinkable on the first try. Within seconds of sharing my lunch with the toilet I heard Jeff say, "Scott, is that you?" I put on my best "sick voice" and mumbled "Ya man, I feel like crap, " to which he responded, "Well, you better head home, I can't afford to have you throwing up on the job."

BAM! Before Jeff had the chance to rethink his decision I hopped on my bike and headed to the party. Dang straight I road my mountain bike to parties in high school! hahaha. So the moral of the story is "if at first you don't succeed.... try sticking your finger down your throat." Or don't, I won't judge.